Raising Children with Wisdom: Lessons from Imam al-Ghazali

Recently, I came across a heartfelt posting from a kindergarten operator who shared the worrying behaviors of many children entering preschool today. Reading the list left me uneasy, not only because the behaviors were unusual, but because they reveal something deeper, a crisis in how children are being raised at home.

Among the observations made by teachers are: children unable to play without gadgets, speech delay, no patience to take turns, lack of empathy, poor motor skills, inability to follow simple instructions, still dependent on diapers and unable to feed themselves at the age of five. Some even display disrespect to teachers, imitate violence seen on YouTube, and shockingly, express aspirations to smoke or vape like their parents.

These are not children with autism or special needs. They are normal children. Yet, their basic growth in manners, speech, and awareness of self and others is disturbingly fragile.

This raises an urgent question: What attitude should parents have in raising their children?

For guidance, we turn to Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali (1058–1111), the great Islamic scholar, who in his monumental works such as Ihya’ Ulumuddin laid down profound wisdom on tarbiyyah (education and nurturing of the soul). His teachings remain strikingly relevant to the crisis we face today.

1. The Child is an Amanah, Not a Burden

Imam al-Ghazali reminded parents that children are born upon fitrah, pure, innocent, and receptive. He likened a child’s heart to “a jewel, uncut, pure, and ready to take any form you engrave upon it.” If nurtured properly, it will shine in goodness; if neglected, it will harden in heedlessness.

This means that parents cannot see their children merely as responsibilities to be “kept busy” with gadgets or to be “offloaded” to schools. Instead, they must view parenting as a sacred trust (amanah) that shapes not only the child’s worldly success but also their eternal fate.

2. Start with Adab Before Knowledge

The Prophet ﷺ taught that he was sent “to perfect good character (akhlaq).” Imam al-Ghazali emphasized that teaching children manners must precede intellectual pursuits. A child who can read and calculate but lacks patience, respect, and empathy is not truly educated.

• A child should be taught to respect elders, to greet with salam instead of “hoi!”
• A child should learn gentleness in play, not aggression modeled after violent videos.
• A child should be guided to say kind words, not vulgarities overheard at home.

When adab forms the foundation, academic excellence and professional success will grow naturally. Without it, knowledge may become a weapon for arrogance or harm.

3. Limit Desires, Encourage Self-Control

One of Imam al-Ghazali’s central teachings is the training of the nafs (lower self). Children must be gently taught to resist instant gratification. This is why practices such as waiting one’s turn, completing a task patiently, and eating properly without distraction are crucial early lessons.

A five-year-old who cannot wait, cannot focus, and cannot manage his own needs is not “naughty”, he is simply untrained. If parents always rush to fulfill every demand, the child grows with a restless soul, unable to cope with discipline or hardship later in life.

4. Teach Through Action, Not Just Words

Al-Ghazali reminded parents that children imitate what they see more than what they are told. A child who hears his father say vulgarities or sees him vaping will adopt it as normal behavior. A mother who is always distracted by her phone cannot expect her child to focus in class.

Thus, the most powerful method of education is parental example. If we want children to:

• Read, we must read at home.
• Pray, we must pray with them.
• Speak kindly, we must watch our own tongues.

Children mirror the environment they grow up in. If the home is full of anger, distraction, and indulgence, the child will embody it. If the home is full of patience, prayer, and warmth, the child will carry that into the wider world.

5. Balance Love and Discipline

Imam al-Ghazali warned against both extremes: harshness that breaks a child’s spirit, and indulgence that weakens their character. The right balance is firm guidance with compassion.

• Too much harshness breeds fear and dishonesty.
• Too much indulgence breeds entitlement and weakness.

A parent’s role is to discipline gently, with consistency, while always wrapping correction in love. A child corrected with wisdom learns self-respect; a child corrected with anger learns rebellion.

6. Nourish the Body and the Soul

Another striking observation by al-Ghazali is the need to balance physical, intellectual, and spiritual nourishment. Today’s overreliance on gadgets weakens fine motor skills, dulls imagination, and isolates children from nature.

Parents should instead:

• Encourage active play – running, climbing, building, exploring.
• Provide creative activities – drawing, storytelling, music, gardening.
• Instil spiritual awareness – daily doa, gratitude, awareness of Allah’s presence.

Such practices create a well-rounded child, not one trapped in a cycle of screen addiction and restless energy.

7. Education is a Lifelong Journey, Not a Race

Finally, Imam al-Ghazali reminded us that education is not about rushing children into STEM fields or professional careers. It is about cultivating in them a love of learning and a love of Allah.

If the basics of adab, empathy, patience, and discipline are ignored, then dreams of producing scientists and leaders are illusions. As the saying goes, we are trying to build tall buildings on weak foundations.

To Parents

The crisis described by teachers today is not a failure of children, but a reflection of parenting attitudes. We cannot blame schools, gadgets, or society alone. We must begin at home, with our own conduct, our own priorities, and our own patience.

Imam al-Ghazali gave us timeless wisdom: children are a trust, their hearts are soft clay, and parents are the sculptors. The question is, are we shaping them towards adab, patience, and faith, or are we leaving them to be shaped by gadgets, media, and peer pressure?

The generation we raise today will determine the strength of our ummah tomorrow. Let us return to the wisdom of our scholars, and raise our children not just to excel in worldly skills, but to live as people of dignity, compassion, and faith.